I'm really dreading to go school next week. I don't want to study, I don't want to do projects. I think I'm gonna flung badly this semster. I should really thank God that I wasn't selected for Specialist Diploma. I probably die if I take Specialist Diploma. Because currently in my life. My friends and studies are equally important. I don't know since when friends rise up with studies. I suddenly don't really care so much about studies compared to last year.

All I want to do now is to

1. Achieve my goal
2. Do things I never did before
3. Have more time with family and friends

I realised that I've drifted away from many of my friends. Friends are really important people in my life. If you ask me to choose between a degree cert and friends. I would really choose friends. I realised that studies is not the most important thing now in my life. I feel happiness is the most important thing in my life, followed by studies/friends/family.

Studies makes me unhappy. I really hate to study. I never loved studying. People like to say that study life is the best time in your whole life. I agree but I just hate to study, thats it..

What makes study life the best life in your whole life is partly because of friends in school. You can't say that study life have no pressure. The fact is, students are facing a lot of pressure. I am one example..

Polytechic life is great. It is fun to do projects with your friends and rushing for deadline. The thing I hate most is the pressure, an indescribable pressure...

Why do I want to get 3.5 for GPA? I'm facing pressure from myself.v I know it's somehow impossible for me to get this GPA this semster. Don't tell me, "If you don't try, you won't know". I know it myself it's impossible at rate I'm going unless there's some miracle or what. The thing is, I don't know why am I giving myself such pressure and stress..

People say it's good to have pressure, it makes you have the determination to strive. But it's making me really unhappy...Furthermore, that pressure is coming from myself and not my family, friends or lecturers. It's really absurd..

Why do I expect such good scores. It really changed me into a different person, not the person everyone knew 2 years ago. I'm not a study person, I have to admit. So what if I achieved 3.5 for GPA? By achieving 3.5 for GPA won't bring me to NTU..

What is 3.5 man?? It is easy for some people to achieve it but definitely not easy for a person like me to achieve it..

but well, I will still do my best for my studies but without any pressure from myself. It's time to find back the old joan. The joan that brings joy to people's life everyday...

I'm feeling a lot happier these days. I've finally found the real goal of my life. My previous goal was to enter NTU and graduate with a degree. That is so lame, it's not the goal of my life. It's the goal of my study life I guess..

Now, I will do anything to achieve my goal even if it will take up a lot of my time and effort. It is a simple goal yet hard to accomplish.. But with determination and will, nothing is impossible..

This is then the true me!!..

end~

joanie
10:14