Just wanna wish Happy 20th Birthday to my dearest Sister, Ting.
Hope you will have a wonderful 20th Birthday and may all your wishes and dreams come true!

Meeting her for lunch later and we are eating our favourite foie gras! Can't wait...Weee!!!

~

It's a bit of Monday Blues for me. I woke up in the morning feeling really moody, sad and disappointed. I don't know why will things turn out this way.

I just wanna hold you as long as I could and as much as I can but it just seems to me that you don't want to grab my hand tight. I'm really afraid I don't have the strength to hold your hand anymore, and you will just disappear from my sight forever.

You always tell me not to put the relationship into a test but you are putting our relationship into a test. I'm really very very tired but I just can't bear to let you go. I love you and I wanna hold you with all I can. All I ask for is you to grab my hand tight.

There is really a limit to one's energy. My energy is really dying off and I'm trying my best to recharge it but the things you say and do to me, hit me back to the bottom again. I'm back to square 1 again. Sigh... Things you say and do to me may mean nothing to you but you never know how big an impact it is to me.

Friends, I know I sound emo but I'm fine but just feeling very down lately. I can't handle my problems and it's all coming to me.

~

Problem 1:
My family is a bit chaotic lately. Maybe only my close friends know, I may have tell you guys before. I'm really going nuts staying at my house. Really going nuts. Sometimes I really feel like moving out and stay with my brother but I won't do that. I won't abandon my mummy. Sigh.

Problem 2:
Relationship problem. I really really wonder, why is it just so difficult to maintain a relationship. I'm really a failure to relationship. I'm a lousy girlfriend, I know that all these while but I will always do my best and fulfill my part as a gf. BUT STILL A LOUSY GF!

Problem 3:
Confused. Study, Work Day Job or Work Night Life.
I really don't know what I want man! But anyway I'm starting school on 20 April, part-time advanced diploma. I took that course out of interest. But I'm really confused. I don't know should I study Degree or just work for the rest of my life.

Problem 4:
BILLS BILLS BILLS BILLS!!! MONEY MONEY MONEY!!! I hate it I hate it and I hate it. When am I going to reach financial freedom?????? Blame myself for spending so much in 2008 if not I won't be so pathetic now. But oh well, I will just work hard to earn it all back.

Problem 5:
My health is deteriorating due really over-drinking and always vomiting. I wanna quit drinking but I can't!!!!!!!!! Why? because of money! I want to make sure I earn enough money and get out of this life.

Confused about what I'm talking about? Alright I will just be honest here because I don't care about what people think of me. I'm back to working nightlife again. Some people may look down on such jobs but my backbone is straight. I'm not cheating or doing anything that is not moral. I'm working a decent job and earning proper money. But the bad thing is I need to drink sometimes or in fact everytime.

Some people may find me stupid. I got a proper day job with a decent salary but why I choose to go back to nightlife? I can say, I never regret choosing this path but of coz I won't work in this line for long. Just temporary, to fill my rice bowl.

But reason is simple, I just want to be Happy Joan with freedom! =) I enjoy my night job too actually, just that I hate drinking. HAHA!

For people who are worried for me or what, Don't worry, I know how to take care of myself. I love myself very very very much.. =) God will also take care of me!



~I think I'm getting naggy. I will blog till here. Gonna bath and meet my mei mei for lunchie!~

joanie
10:47